"Your Struggle is Just a Part of Your Story"

I haven't blogged on here in forever. I don't even know what I will say. 

Let me just start by saying that life is good. But life is hard. I often find myself easily discouraged and sometimes I think it's a little ridiculous. I have been blessed with so many amazing things. I have the greatest friends and family. My friends have especially been helpful and loving while I've been at college. I don't know what I would do without them. I honestly owe most of my happiness to them. I know God placed them in my life for a reason and I am SO incredibly thankful. 

I don't understand why I get easily discouraged. I have so much to be happy for. I think it's because discouragement makes us reach further towards our goals. We don't like being discouraged so we try harder and harder to move on and make our lives better. That's the point of life; to move forward and do greater and better things. How boring would it be if we just stayed in the same place in our lives? I know we would all be depressed. There would be nothing to live for. What would be the point? 

Goals are good. Righteous goals are even better. I believe that if you have righteous goals, God WILL help you achieve them. God is so willing and able to help us. We just NEED to ask. 

I don't know about you but I need God always. I wouldn't make it through the day. I don't understand why I struggle but I know I need to humble myself and ask for help because I cannot do everything on my own. No one can do anything on their own. This is why God puts certain people in our lives. They can uplift us to places we couldn't reach on our own. 

"The Story" by Brandi Carlile inspired this post. I love this song.

"Your struggle is just a part of your story." I know this is so completely 100% true. I know my struggles have contributed to who I am today. My struggles are not me but they have made me have greater faith and confidence in the Lord. He will help me overcome my struggles always. My story is a long one. I have gone through a lot. I know my story doesn't even compare to others but it's my story and it has been a hard for me. Some people may not have been able to make it through the things I have and I know I would not be able to make it through some of the things others have. This is why everyone's story is unique. It is a wild combination of good and bad, happy and sad. We can all overcome our struggles. They add to our stories and we can just check them off a list. Each struggle a paragraph. Each piece of happiness is a chapter. 

"Hypocrites can’t help people"

These past few months have been challenging. I've realized that I'm not as secure in certain aspects of my life as I should be. I don't know how it happened but I'm noticing things that I need to work on to become my best self. I feel like this happens to a lot of people. I've also realized that I can't be an example or help others until I help myself. How can I be strong for someone when I don't even know what I want exactly. It's strange to think about how much I have changed and how much certain things in my life have affected me and turned me into the person I am today.
The title of the blog post has a lot of meaning and I've kind of already explained it. A lot of times I've realized that the advice I give or that other people give actually applies to that person as well. It's strange how sometimes the advice we give to others is actually just what we needed to hear personally. You know how people who give talks at church or speeches or whatever tell the audience something like, "By preparing this, I've realized how much I needed to hear this specific thing myself." I think that is so awesome and annoying at the same time. I guess hearing it from yourself can either be easier or harder than hearing it from someone else.
I don't really know where this is going but at the moment I'm becoming more aware of my life and what I need to work on. It's going to be hard. I want to be there for other people but I can't unless I figure out what I need. I think I'm getting there.
"Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side."
I know the Lord is always by my side. When I make mistakes or fall away in certain aspects of my life, he knows exactly how to help me figure it out. He will always help me where I cannot help myself. I know I can do all things with the help of the Lord. I know that whatever challenges I face and temptations that I have I can make it through. Things will always work out. I will be at peace with the way things work out. I can be strong enough for myself and others.
Surround yourself with the people you feel will help you become your best self. You can do it, and so can I.

Window to the Soul

Eyes.
How difficult would life be without them? I love music but if I couldn't see, I don't know how I would be able to live. I can't even imagine.
So the reason for this topic is the fact that I am pretty blind. I have a current prescription of -7.50 in both of my eyes. I'm lucky that it's the same in both eyes because that helps with not mixing up my contacts.
I remember when I first noticed my vision swaying. I was 7 years old. I was watching Lady and the Tramp 2 and I remember there being bold words on the screen. I remember telling my mom that the words were all fuzzy. Basically, it's been down hill from there. Every time I get them checked they are worse and worse. It's pretty sad. One day I hope to get laser eye surgery. It's pretty scary but I know it would help a lot.
It's scary to take off my glasses and contacts every night and realize that I can't see. It makes me feel vulnerable and I don't like it. I'm just blessed to be able to have those tools help me through my life. If I lived a thousand years ago I don't know how I would have done it. How lucky am I to live at a time where the technology is available to me. It's amazing. 

This is what I saw with my eyes during my run this morning. So beautiful!

Today I went on a run in the park just down the street. It was so beautiful. I have missed running in such a beautiful place. It was warm and sunny and so green. This is what Spring should feel like. I am so lucky to have grown up in such a awesome city.
I noticed so much because today I finally pulled out my contacts with the right prescription  When I last got my eyes checked I still had a few pairs of my old contacts left so I was using them first. Today I finally tried the ones I was supposed to be wearing this whole time. I can see so clearly. I love it! My glasses are still pretty bad though. I hate wearing them. They are definitely the wrong prescription and I feel so boxed in. I feel like I have this box around my life and I am just not myself. I basically have no peripheral vision because I am so blind. My whole life changed when I got contacts in the 6th grade. It was hard to get used to putting them in at first but ever since it has been so easy. I don't know why people complain about contacts because they are seriously the best. I am so blessed.
I am grateful for my eyes. I am grateful for my contacts and glasses. I am grateful that my eyes are the window for my soul. I live through my eyes. If you think about it, what would you be without them?

My glasses! I think they make my eyes look smaller.
That's another reason why I don't wear them very often in public.

I Am

I read a book today, or part of a book rather, and it is called Promptings by Kody Bateman. It's so good I really recommend it. I got to the chapter about "I am". It basically says that you are what you think you are. You can achieve anything you believe you can. Seriously, if you think about yourself this way your life will be amazing. It's so easy to be negative, especially about one's self, but honestly, if you just stop and think about how good you are, that is way better. I compiled a list of things that I am. Even if I am not necessarily these things right now at this very moment and even if these things don't happen for a while, this is the person I am and who I want to be. I am a positive person and this is all about me.

I am a patient person.

I am a wonderful mother and wife. (obviously hasn't happened yet but it will)

I am a wonderful sister.

I am good at serving other people.

I can sing really well and I always will.

I love people fiercely.

I am confident

I can do anything I put my mind to.

I am not a complainer.

I have an amazing job.

I care about everyone I meet.

It’s hard to say goodbye and that’s why sometimes I don’t, but I will from now on.

I am not afraid of the dark.

I am a happy person.

I can survive the present and the hardships it brings.

I am really good at taking tests.

I am really good at balancing my time.

I am fit and strong and my body looks awesome.

I am really smart and I can learn anything.

I am really good at writing.

I am really good at listening to what people have to say.

I care about people and what they have to say.

I am really good at talking to and motivating people

I am a very compassionate person.

I am very motivated to get things done.

Everything will always work out. If I do what I can and as much as I can, the rest is not up to me. God will always help me when I can no longer help myself. Things will always work out and they always have. 

CHALLENGE:
Make a list of things that you are. You are who you want to be so include those as well. Think Happy Thoughts.

Finals... And Everything Else

So, instead of studying for finals I'm going to do everything possible to avoid them and distract myself. But really. I just don't care. And that is bad.
Basically, I've taken 1 of my 5 finals and today is the 3rd day of finals... I'm not off to a great start. I'll take them, don't worry, but all I can think of is everything except for school. I just want to hang out with everyone and anyone. I don't want to study and come to the realization that my freshman year of college is over in 2 days. Isn't that insane? Where has the year gone? It's kind of surreal. Hopefully I actually enjoy my time at home for the next few months because it will be gone before I know it. If I had a reason to stay, I probably would. As for now, my motivation for going home is basically to see my family and go to Disneyland... of course.. I'm definitely obsessed but I just haven't been in what feels like forever.
I am so blessed to grow up where I did. Seriously, everyone thinks that there is nothing to do in Murrieta

This is my studying face

This is my face when
I'm not studying and having fun

but if they came to Provo they would know that they are terribly wrong. Ya, there isn't much to do in Murrieta but at least it's about an hour drive to each of the awesome destinations in Southern California. Seriously what was I ever thinking? Murrieta is home. It will always be home and I love it. There is so much to do in Southern California and I am seriously so lucky to have been able to do so many fun things with my family and friends growing up. Like they say, you never knew what you had until it's gone. But really. It's the truth. Trust me. Even if you didn't grow up where I did, everyone's hometown is unique and a blessing.
I know BYU is where I'm supposed to be for the next few years so I just need to enjoy it and the enjoy being with all the people that I meet. It's a great place. It's not home but it's my home for now.

Virtual World

I'm not going to lie, I love my computer, my phone, my iPod... BUT why is it that I can get easily distracted with it all and not get much done at times? I think I may have found the answer. It's not going to make it any easier to try to resist being on my computer so much, but I hope it helps.
Satan was not allowed a body so he is doing everything in his power to tempt us to defile and misuse ours. How does this apply you might ask?
My question to you is... Why are you on Facebook everyday? Why do you check your Instagram at least 5 times a day? Why do you pin things on Pinterest every night? Why do you scroll through Yahoo!'s news at least once a day? Why do you watch all your favorite shows on Hulu and Netflix? Why?
Are you addicted to your computer or smartphone? I think I might be... I admit it.
The internet and all these devices could be a wonderful and useful tool but it can also be a very distracting and tempting tool. Have you noticed that hours go by and you are still in bed on your computer? Have you noticed that you go to bed late because you are stuck up late in the virtual world? I know I have.
Let's do something about it.
Because Satan does not have a body, I think he is tempting us to abuse ours by not doing anything with it. We are abusing our bodies by being on our computers for practically the whole day. It's even worse as a college student because I actually do need to be on my computer for long periods of time taking notes and doing assignments but at the same time, I get distracted and end up wasting hours surfing the web. How did this happen to me? I am ashamed of it. I think it might be because, I feel like everyone is so busy doing their own things that I might as well use my free time being on the internet instead of having actual human interaction. I am a depressed freshman college student with no life. It's sad that I calculate time to watch my shows everyday into my schedule.

don't waste your time with these!

Everyone is busy but that doesn't mean you should use your free time to be on your computer instead of taking a walk, going on a run, reading a book, sitting in the grass, doing anything but being inside all day.... Why oh why didn't I think about all of this sooner? No wonder I haven't been as happy this semester! It's literally almost over and I'm just now realizing the answer to my problem. I need to get off the internet. Why am I here instead of doing something better?
Honestly, it doesn't help that I work from my computer... maybe I need another job? I don't really want another one at least not right now because this one pays better than all the other one's I have seen....
But seriously people, get off. Start by taking at least an hour of your day and instead of going on your computer to do mindless stuff, go on a walk. Just go outside. Turn everything off. Read a book. Better yet, read your scriptures. (Study for finals!) Do anything but go on your computer or TV for that hour of free time. Easier said than done right? I'm going to do it... You can too!
Now that I realized this, I hope this never happens to me again... I don't want to be a hypocrite...
What is so important on Facebook or whatever that you can't call someone and talk to them about it? You don't need to chat online when you can talk in person or at least on the phone. Stop it. You don't need the internet 24/7! I don't either!

General Conference

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know who I am; I know God's plan. I'll follow in his ways. - I don't remember what song that is from but it's true! I love the Church and I love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I am so lucky to be apart of the true church. You may think, "How could the church  she goes to be the one and only true one?" I know it is true because it is designed by Jesus Christ. It is a true reflection of his church when he lived on the earth. We have 12 apostles and prophet leaders that preside over this church. That is just like when Jesus had 12 apostles. What other church has this structure? None that I know of. That is just the start of all the truths that have come about from this church. Seriously, if you are looking for answers, this is the place to start: lds.org and mormon.org. These clearly explain pretty much anything you would want to know about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I am Mormon (aka a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) You can see why most LDS members calls themselves Mormon. I think it is because first of all the name of the Church is really long and probably most likely because "Mormon" is the most common identifier of the church.
This weekend we have General Conference. That is basically a series of meeting broadcast on internet, TV, radio etc. Real prophets and apostles and other church leaders speak to us. The Prophet Thomas S.
Monson may even receive divine revelation that he needs to relay to the members. Revelation is when the Lord gives messages through man. In this case, the prophet will tell the members what we need to know. What we need to know is what God tells him to tell us. Like last conference, the missionary age had been lowered. That was a revelation from God. The prophet and apostles don't do anything unless the Lord asks them to. They are his servants and we as members have a duty to heed to their words. They are literally God's messengers.

This is President Thomas S. Monson. I love this man. 

Other speakers receive personal revelation on what they should say. Every conference the speakers are asked to give a message, I think it is usually like 10 minutes for most of them. They aren't given a topic. They just pray for inspiration on what to say. It is amazing because each conference, there are specific messages given that what the members and others listening need to hear. It is amazing how God works through his messengers. I love the Lord. I hope everyone can learn of this amazing gospel of Jesus Christ. The gospel will give light and happiness unto anyone who discovers it. I wish that I could be more of an example and teacher. I hope that one day, I will be instrumental in someone's conversion. This gospel is definitely worth it.

Missions and Random STUFF

Today two of my friends from home went into the MTC! It's pretty crazy right. 2 years is  a long time so I hope I actually write them often and what not. Anyhow, I didn't get to say goodbye because I'm at school and it's lame. Just kidding. But really, I feel sad I couldn't make it to their farewells and such. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.
For the next two years they will be on missions and I will be... doing I don't know. Probably school. Dating? Hopefully at least that. It's weird to think of the future. I'm going to Disneyland I am obsessed. I know. But for reals... is that all I do with my life for two years? Not that I necessarily want to get married or anything within that time but I feel like there is something bigger I could be doing. Maybe. I don't know. Seriously... this post kind of sucks. I really don't have much to say.
just so focused on finishing the semester so I can go home and relax for a while before I come back... and go to
I bought Golden Grahams today! I haven't had them in forever. I feel like a little kid again. They are the best cereal ever. I had to bowls today.... well actually cups because my bowls are dirty.
That is something I am not looking forward to though when I go home... the mess of more than just myself. We're not super messy at home but no one really cleans up after themselves so when you do clean its cleaning for like 6 people. Dishes... nope Suzie can continue to do them. I refuse. JK...but really I don't really want to.

Oh I had fun with my nephews this last weekend :)

There are about 25 days until I am on my way home. YEAH. I'm not so much excited to be home for 4 months but to not have to do school work for 4 months... I would stay over summer but I'd much rather be in California where it is actually fun.
I can't wait to be in different apartments next year. I will have 5 roommates instead of 1 so that will be different. But I look forward to hopefully getting asked on some dates by older guys. Apparently the guy to girl population next year will consist of more guys so that is something to look forward to. I think it's because girls 21 and down that were planning on going on missions are and the guys are still basically going at 19 so it hasn't changed for them. It's pretty awesome for me.
It's not so bad now but when everyone (seriously) was getting their calls, there was this pressure to go on a mission. I already knew that a mission was not for me right now so why was I feeling this pressure? I'm not a bad person for deciding that a mission was not for me. I even prayed about it and I felt that I am not supposed to go right now. Seriously people, if a girl doesn't go on a mission (since it seems like every girl is) it doesn't mean she is any less righteous than the girl who is. Stop pressuring us. I feel like there might be some women who have based their decisions on the fact that since everyone is going I should too... that is not how it should be. We shouldn't feel pressured to go if it is not right for us. I am extremely happy for those women who are going but that shouldn't mean I am looked down upon for not going too.
I am not saying this is how everyone feels or how everyone is reacting to hearing that I'm not going but still... I shouldn't feel any pressure in this sacred decision.
Anyways... that was a bit of a rant. Who am I even writing to? NO ONE reads this anyways... I actually just don't have time to hand write all that is on my mind everyday so it's way easier to blog about it. I don't care that people (might) read what is basically my journal... If I do have something I don't want everyone to know (like boy stuff or whatever) then I'll write it somewhere more private I guess.
I LOVE GOLDEN GRAHAMS.... the END

I'm a Potter Girl

I'm literally obsessed with Harry Potter so I feel it is only fitting to write in his language today.... just kidding but isn't that font awesome? I also found one called Lumos font. It's pretty sweet. % if you press the percent sign it makes a freaking snitch! it's awesome! also $ if you press the dollar sign it makes a broom... anyways I thought that was cool. Here is the link to where I got the fonts. I apologize for my weirdness... I should actually be working on my essay for my Writing 150 class but I don't really feel like it. But I will get it done. I swear. 
Anyhow, I am obsessed with Harry Potter and I don't think I will ever get sick of watching the movies, reading the books, and wanting to buy merchandise. Also, I would really love to go to Harry Potter world in Florida but I don't know when I will ever have that chance.... Maybe once I'm married.... I don't know. I'm not planning on getting married anytime soon. I don't even like anyone right now. HA
I can't tell you how many times I have read/listened to all the Harry Potter books. It's a little ridiculous. I actually really want to read them again over summer. They are just that good. I really wish there was more to the story so that it never had to end. 
My favorite book/movie is the third one. I can't tell you exactly why, I just really love that one the best. Although they are all fantastic, I feel like the third one has the most awesome story. Or maybe it's the fact that that movie was one of the most well done ones. I also like the 7th one but that is because they split it into two part and so they were able to fit almost everything necessary in the movie to truly reflect the book. 
Anyways, I can't wait to go home and go to Disneyland and have time to watch all the Harry Potters in a row. I have to do it! And actually watch them. Not just get distracted and what not. I did that with the Lord of the Rings trilogy (extended version) over winter break and it was fantastic. Those movies are truly amazing. And I need to read all the books again. (BTW I loaned out our 7th book to my friend over 2 years ago and she moved to NJ so I don't think she'll ever give it back so I need to buy another one so my family doesn't get suspicious.)  I also need to do it with Star Wars and Indiana Jones and Anne of Green Gables and I'm trying to think of other series that I love but I can't right now.... 
But seriously, I need to get writing my essay. It's not going to write itself. And I need to study for my other 2 tests that I have to take sometime tomorrow and Thursday because I will be leaving to go to Jessica's for the weekend and I don't want to worry about much whilst I'm there. So peace out. TTFN

Marriage, Food, and Dread Locks

I have a lot of random things to address today. First off, today is another interesting day because the sanctity of marriage is again being brought into the spotlight. A supreme court judge is the deciding factor of whether or not the ruling of Proposition 8 is unconstitutional. You don't have to agree with me but I believe that marriage should always stay between one man and one woman. This in no way means that I am a homophobic. I love many gay and lesbian people. Pretty much, if any person no matter race, gender, or sexual orientation, is nice to me, then I am nice to them. Simple as that.
I was reading an interesting article today that addressed the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' position and view of same sex marriage... here is a quote from it:
"a statement of the First Presidency in 1991: “The Lord’s law of moral conduct is abstinence outside of lawful marriage and fidelity within marriage. Sexual relations are proper only between husband and wife, appropriately expressed within the bonds of marriage. Any other sexual conduct, including fornication, adultery, and homosexual and lesbian behavior is sinful. Those who persist in such practices or influence others to do so are subject to Church discipline.”' (here is a link to the article- Article on Same Sex Attraction)
It also addresses the fact that so many people have afflictions and temptations that inflict their ability to do certain things. Being homosexual is another affliction. I know this seems to have a negative connotation to it but what I'm trying to say is, even though we all have issues and some may seem harder than others, God will never give us any temptation that we cannot overcome.  Obviously if you feel a certain way, it is so difficult to control those feelings. I believe that it is possible. I feel sad for those who think that because they cannot marry someone they will never be happy. I believe that as long as you are doing the best you can and doing what God has intended for you to do then you will find happiness. This life is only a split second when compared to the eternities. It may seem like this lifetime is for forever but we can all overcome our trials if we are doing our best to do what God wants us to do.  It says how homosexuality is not a noun it is an adjective. It is something that describes the way someone feels. It is one thing to act upon one's feelings and another to only feel them.
This is seriously an odd topic though. How can I state my feelings without someone being offended? I respect the view of others and I believe that they should respect my view.
I know it may be hard for some to view things the way I do but I just hope to bring to light to the fact that not all of us are haters. I promise you. Even though you may feel under attack does not mean that everyone is out to get you. There is always going to be those crazy people who just hate because they feel like that is what they should do. I am not one of them.
I believe that some people will never understand or feel the same about this issue. I believe that I cannot inflict my beliefs onto someone who is unaccepting of them. I understand that people did not grow up the same way I did. They did not get taught the things I've been taught. They have not come to have personal beliefs the way that I have. They have not grown up as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I will always believe and defend every position my church is supporting. That does not mean you have to. As much as I wish that you will come to the same understanding as me, I do not wish to force you to believe anything that you don't want to. We all have freedoms and this is one of them. That is the beauty of living in the United States.
Anyways, if you don't come to the same conclusion as me, that is up to you but I hope that this was in some way enlightening.

I thought this was really interesting. But it's true if you think about it.

I didn't make the sour cream either

On to another topic. I made delicious beans, Spanish rice, and homemade whole wheat tortillas. Everything I made was from scratch except the salsa I put in the Spanish rice. What ever. It was delicious. I am a chef. My future husband will love my cooking (I hope.) haha. This is the link to the recipe for the Whole Wheat Tortillas!
Also.... I put a dread lock in my hair.... I know gross right? Not really. I will continue to wash my hair as always. I have one single dread because I plan to take it out eventually but basically it is just a bunch of knots in a small chunk of my hair.
Well... T minus 32 days until I will be on my way home! (I don't know why we use "Tminus" What does that mean anyways?) I am so excited. Literally one month (and a day) to go... But first I need to survive finals and the other major assignments that I have. TTFN- ta ta for now!

World Down Syndrome Day!

Today is World Down Syndrome Day!
I actually didn't know about this until I saw a picture my friend posted on Instagram of her little brother who has Down Syndrome. He is adorable.
Even though no one even reads this blog I thought I would express my feelings on this wonderful day.
I can't wait to be a Special Education teacher and let these wonderful children touch my life. I can't imagine a better job. It will work out perfectly with raising a family. I know it will be hard but it will be totally worth every minute. I love special kids and I can't wait to go home and see all my cute special friends!

This is one of my absolute best friends Jordan! He has Down Syndrome which makes him the cutest kid in the world. I can't wait to go home and see him. He is seriously one of the best people in my life. He is one of the big reasons why I want to teach Special Education so badly.... 6 more weeks!!!

Pondering... and Praying

I have been thinking a lot recently about random things:

I thought this was cool. I saw it on Pinterest.

God is eagerly  waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, Just as he always has, But he can’t if you do not pray, And he can’t if you do not dream. In short, he can’t if you don’t believe. - Elder Jeffery R. Holland
I can't wait to go home.

• I know the last time I went home over winter break I probably wasn't the best child. I argued with my siblings and I was spoiled with the best Christmas present ever (my Ukulele)
• When I go home for this 4 month break I hope to be a better daughter and sister. I really need to work on my patience. I don't want to be known as the awful sister/daughter. I want to appreciate my family in person as I have learned to appreciate them whilst being away.
• I am looking forward to seeing my special ed friends in my mom's class.
• The other day, Jordan called me crying because he misses me so much. I wanted to cry too. I can't wait to see him and my other friends. I can't wait to be a Special Education teacher because I know I will love them and enjoy my job, as tough as it will be sometimes. I can't wait to see the joy that comes from my life as a teacher to such innocent souls. They are seriously the best

The gospel is amazing.

• I have been having a hard time enjoying church while in college. I miss being in young women's and having older women teach me amazing things. Now that I am a young adult it is hard to take those my same age seriously. Its really hard but I am trying my best. 
• I love my Book of Mormon class.
• My professor Dr. Marsh is seriously the best. I have learned things I have never even thought about before. I have come to appreciate the prophets and the BoM so much more since being in his class. I hope I can have him for all of my religion classes in the future. He is seriously the best.
• I really want to study the Doctrine and Covenants and LDS history



Book of Mormon Reading Chart

• Ever since starting my BoM classes I have learned a lot about church history that I had never thought about before. I am ashamed to say that I have never read the whole D and C and I know that so many of my questions will be answered once I read it. 
• The history of the church is so fasinating and I really want to learn more
• I think it would be really awesome to read the whole Book of Mormon with my siblings in say like a week. I just want to sit down and read for hours just rotating every few pages. I think it would be so awesome. I know that by doing this I will be able to grow so much with my family. We've read the BoM many times before as a family but it has taken at least a year of family scripture study to go through the whole thing. I really want to get into the habit of family scripture study when I get home so that it will help me and my family become regular in study while I am away. I also want to have real FHE every Monday. We need to do spiritual and fun things every week. I think these are really important to do so that when I have my own family, I will already be in the habit.

Praying

• School is really tough on me right now.
• Ever since I had Shingles it has been hard getting back into my classes.
• I would rather not go to them at all. 
• I love what I learn in my classes but its hard for me to get there in the first place
• right now I have so much on my plate. I have major assignments and tests in many of my classes over the next last few weeks of school and I don't know how I am going to manage. There is just so much for me to do. I am trying not to stress out too much because I don't want to get sick.
• I just need to pray for the strength to stay healthy and not stress out so that I can handle finishing all my school work. I like being productive but it can be really difficult sometimes. I know with God's help I can do anything!

I'm Basically a Chef

Um so today I took a really long nap and I woke up and was inspired to make the most amazing creations of food ever. Ok well I actually just found the recipe for one of them on Pinterest and it looked good so I made it.

They turned out delicious. Be Jealous

Banana Scones

Ingredients
2 cups flour (I used wheat)
½ cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon cinnamon
8 tablespoons cold butter, cut into small pieces
½ cup mashed banana
2 tablespoons milk
1 egg, beaten
Vanilla sugar (or table sugar)
Instructions
1.     Preheat the oven to 400 degrees, and prepare a sheet pan with a silpat or parchment paper.
2.     In the bowl of a food processor, combine the dry ingredients. Pulse in the cold butter.
3.     In a separate bowl combine the banana, heavy cream and egg and mix them together well. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and Pulse until the dough comes together well.
4.     Turn out onto a floured surface and gently form into a disc. Slice into 8 scones.
5.     Put the scones on the prepared sheet pan and rub the top of each with some of the heavy cream (or milk), and then sprinkle with sugar.
6.     Bake the scones at 400 degrees for 10-12 minutes. Let cool and Enjoy!

BUT first I made this for dinner!
I just got left over taco meat. Some black beans. Pepper Jack Cheese. And Cheddar Cheese. I just randomly but that stuff in the the green bell pepper and this masterpiece was made. It was freaking good!

This Summer

I am still contemplating why I even write in this thing. It's probably because it's easier than keeping my journal but at the same time... I probably should feel the need to be more private. I don't know. And I don't really care. Anyways... I am absolutely excited for this summer! Mid-July I will be going camping with my family in the beautiful Yosemite Valley! I can't wait. I don't really like feeling dirty and such but Yosemite is probably the most gorgeous place I have ever seen. If you have not had the chance to go there I definitely recommend going there.

Half dome in Yosemite. Can't wait to see it again!

Every summer my family goes camping. Thinking back on it, it's probably one of the best times of the entire year. In my family there is way too many of us so it gets kind of crazy and we don't get along so well all the time but it's still nice to get together every year and do this.
I know I keep talking about how excited I am to go home so this is another one of those rants. I know it's going to be crazy and there will be stupid fights but I really have appreciated more what I am missing out on. All my life I have lived in the same place and now that I am away for so long, it really makes me miss all that I had growing up. It's crazy how quickly my life has come to where it is now. What makes me really kind of scared is going home and having so many of my childhood friends gone on missions. Its so crazy. I don't think its going to hit me all that has changed until I go home.
I am still trying to find a way home after the semester. Well kind of... Technically I have a ride now but they aren't leaving until the Sunday after school is done. I don't really want to wait that much longer but if that is the only option I have, I will be fine with that.
Another thing I need to figure out is what to do with all the stuff I am not taking back home. I might leave it at my cousin's or sister's or something. Eh, it will all work out. Right?
Anyhow, I have work and stuff that I should start so ya. I got really behind last week and if I want to get paid a decent amount next paycheck I should probably get to it.
Peace!

Dancing Queen

This weekend there was a winter semi-formal dance for the people living in Heritage Halls and Wyview. Lets just say that I can get down. I'm a fantastic dancer... not really but I can have fun! I didn't have a date so I just went with a group of girls solo. It was still so fun! They had games, food, and pretty good music. They had cheesecake! And they played the Wobble.... so pretty much that right there made it one of the greatest dances I've been to.
I also wore this really awesome dress that my mom made for me. It's comfy and worked with the whole semi-formal thing. Pictures below.
It was a bummer that there was a time change this morning because we also had stake conference so I had to get up even earlier than normal. And after a crazy night last night... that wasn't so fun to get up early.
I don't really know what to write about now...
I was sick this week so I laid in bed most of the week. I hate it. I just got over shingles and now I have to get over a cold! What is wrong with my body? Anyways... I have a test tomorrow that I've barely studied for and barely gone to classes for because I've been sick most of the last three weeks. AWESOME. Hopefully I still do alright. I'm hoping for at least a B... I got an A- on the last one which is pretty good. We'll see. I also have an essay due that I was supposed to do already but my teacher is being lenient because she knows I've been sick... but I still should have turned it in already. Hopefully she's okay with me turning it in tomorrow night because that's probably going to happen. I also have not worked very many hours because I've been sick and tired. Hopefully I don't get fired because I haven't been returning work to the professor I work for lately. He should understand and I hope to get 15 hours or more in this week because I have a little bit more time. I just need to get down to business and get stuff done. I need to stop letting my sicknesses hold me back. I need to get through this semester and stop complaining. I want it to be over with because I just really want to go home but there is nothing I can do but to just endure. If I pray for comfort these next 6 and 1/2 weeks I know I can make it. I can do this!
Well enough with the ranting. I should study or sleep or something so I will peace out for now.

Me and Crystal at the dance

my beautiful dress made by my mother
excuse the mess in the background :)

BYU Vocal Point covers Call Me, Maybe

This is hilarious! This girl tackles Jon Rose from BYU's Vocal Point for his number! The show was amazing by the way and this was one of the more exciting parts of it.
 http://youtu.be/LL6VNaMFn6M

Take Me To Disneyland

Recently I have had the most overwhelming urge to go to Disneyland in Anaheim California. I have only gone I think twice in the past 4 or 5 years. It is so sad. I think I am going to cry. I really miss it so much! Ever since I was in like 4th or 5th grade I had a Disneyland Annual Pass until about 7th or 8th grade. So that was a good 3 or 4 years that I had a pass. It was so much fun and I have so many fond memories of going to Disneyland every month. I have totally been deprived the last few years though. I am determined to get a pass when I go home after this semester. I know it will only be good for like a month but I am hoping to at least go 5-8 times before I come back in the fall.
I just really miss it so much. I know it has changed a lot since the last couple times I have gone so I am really looking forward to going again. I just need my Disney fill so that I don't kill myself over summer.

 Disneyland is truly magical. It makes me so happy because it has so much adventure and fun everywhere. It has totally become way expensive but now that I think about it, if I get an annual pass, it will totally be worth every cent. I just need to save up enough to pay for it. It should work out though. I am not going to buy any clothes or anything if that helps. I wish I could go on my birthday this year but I think my pass will already be blocked... we'll see. At least if I go that week I will be happy. I was going to get a pass last year but then they raised the price $70 and I didn't have that kind of money. Now that I have a job, I can hopefully save up and manage my money better. This is so worth it though. I have not had the joy of Disneyland in way too long. I need to figure out how to drive on the freeway without getting scared so that I can take myself because my mom has to work and won't be able to go with me every time I will want to. Hopefully I can find some friends to go with also. Ah I am so excited. I know it will all work out. I deserve a Disney year! Especially after a hard first year of college, this is the kind of break I will need this summer. 4 months home will be too long without some Disney fun! I can't wait to go home now!

UPDATE: I was listening to Disney music while I was doing my homework and I almost cried. I seriously need to go to Disneyland like right now! I just can't contain myself. I will officially be buying my pass next week even though I won't be able to use it until May. I am going to save all the money I earn just so I can afford gas/paying for my pass. I seriously better go at least once a week in May, if I don't, I will be so sad. It just needs to happen.

Its Been a Great Day

So, I went on a double date yesterday with some friends. It was really fun! We saw this musical called "The Civil War" it was actually really good. I'd never even heard of it before but the music was pretty modern and the performers did a pretty great job.
Last night I went and saw BYU's Vocal Point with my roommate Lauren. Oh my goodness, they were so amazing! I just can't get over it. I saw them last August with my mom and cousins. I just must have forgot. haha. I loved it. Agh and a few of them are really cute! I wish I actually knew them so that I could maybe get to know them better if you know what I mean. Me and Lauren stayed for like an hour after and  sat across from where they were signing autographs, staring. We are kinda pathetic, but it was so worth it. Their voices literally make me swoon. To top it all off, they look really good in a button up shirt and tie. I just can't get over it!

Well, we finally worked up the courage to ask the cutest one, Trevor Johnson, for a picture! We are so height compatible. I mean look! We already look pretty darn good together... minus Lauren... even though I love her to death... I'm the one who is single!
Church tomorrow... TTYL

Missing In Action

Wow so, I feel really bad about not writing anything on here in a while. Don't worry, I haven't even written in my personal journal. I am still wondering what this is going to be about. I don't want it to be one of those cliche college student blogs. I really want to post more things. So I think, sort of like my pinterest, I will post things that are interesting and then talk about them maybe. And then post some life updates and what not. We'll see how this goes. I doubt anyone will read this anyway. It will mostly be something for me to look back on until I decide I want to make a new blog and be more dedicated to that one.
Anyways, this new semester has been alright. I love my class schedule because I have school M/W/F and nothing Tuesdays and Thursdays. Its pretty nice. My classes don't seem too bad either. I really enjoy my Book of Mormon class. I have Dr. Marsh again like last semester. He is pretty awesome. I also really like my Environmental Science class. My teacher is awesome. Samuel St. Clair. Coolest teacher ever. I feel like what I learn in that class makes me really aware of my environment and care more about what happens to it. I also like my Humanities class. The stuff I learn makes me feel more well-rounded. I guess that's the point of that class anyways. I never go to my Statistics class. And when I say never... I have gone to it 5 times. Its really bad because if I went all the time I could get 2% extra credit. Its kinda late for that. I don't really want to worry about my grades too much. I don't want to overdo it. I should try harder to get to that class but I just really can't make myself do it. I even have a test next week. I should start studying for it. I also really like my Writing 150 class. I can't believe I even said that. How could I like writing? NO, I still don't particularly like writing but I DO like my teacher, Christa Baxter. She is probably the most down to earth coolest teacher I have had. I like it too because our class only has 20 students. It makes it a lot easier to learn and get my ideas out there. It's not as intimidating.
I just started a job. Its really awesome because I can work from my own laptop wherever I am. I just type up recorded interviews for a professor here. I hope he needs me to work for him for a while because it pays really good. I haven't asked specifically but I'm pretty sure I should be starting at $9 an hour. Which is way better than most jobs on campus. I am really lucky. This is perfect for me. I hope it is long term though.
This weekend I found out I got shingles. I am only saying this on here because I doubt anyone reads this anyways. If you know me and you read this... please don't blab about this to anyone or I'll kill you. Just kidding. But really, I don't really want people to know because then they will make a big deal about it and or avoid me because they think I am contagious. Don't worry though, the rash I have contracted is all covered up. I don't touch it. And if I do, I immediately wash my hands. It just sucks because it really hurts and I read that the pain can continue for weeks. I also read that I can get it again now that I have had it. I have a small chance of getting it again, but you never know. If I had known what was wrong with me earlier, I would have been able to get the medication earlier and it probably wouldn't have lasted so long. But no, it is predicted to take weeks for the pain and the healing to all be done with.
What it is, is a form of the chickenpox virus. I didn't know that I could get it again because I already had a bad case of the chickenpox when I was a baby. Apparently, the virus lies dormant in my body until severe stress and a weakened immune system wakes it up. So usually this happens to old people because they naturally have weaker immune systems and what not. Usually when I have a weak immune system, I just get the Cold or something. I would take that any day just so that I didn't have to deal with this. I am supposed to have scaring from the rash. At least it is on my left hip area so that its pretty much always covered. But since it is in that spot, it also hurts to wear my normal clothing because it will rub and stuff.
The rash consists of a ton of blisters all over this area. It goes from my stomach to my spine on my left side. It is the biggest on my hip area. I would post pictures, but that is disgusting. I took pictures of it as it was developing. It looks pretty nasty. It hurts as bad as it looks/sounds too.
So, I went to the doctors on Tuesday morning and they gave me antibiotics to stop the spread and to hopefully quicken the healing of the newest blisters. We'll see. The pain has been feeling less and less everyday and I hope it continues that way. Right now, the rash is getting darker which hopefully means they will start scabbing soon. (I apologize for the graphic images)
Pretty much my life sucks right now. It just is weird to me because I always get really stressed out every once in a while because some weeks I have more to do than others. I'm not really sure how to control it but at least I know the symptoms of this so I can catch it and stop it before I blister. If only I had known.
It started out as a painful tingling in my left hip area, which I thought might be cramps or something, and that lasted for a few days before a few spots of rash appeared. I just thought something irritated my skin and didn't think too much of it. The next day, I woke up with the worst headache ever. And then I was getting chills and the pain increased in my left side. The next day, the headache was still there and the rash got bigger. This is when I got concerned. I texted a picture to my mom and she couldn't tell what it was and just told me to try a few things. Over the next couple days, my headaches went away but my rash got bigger. I finally was able to get to the doctors and she immediately knew what it was. She told me I should have come in sooner. How was I supposed to know? How was I supposed to know what the symptoms of something that mostly only happens to older people? I am only 18! This is ridiculous.
I was so upset when I found this out. Another thing that was frustrating was that my insurance doesn't work directly in Utah because it is only a California based insurance. The pharmacy told me I had to pay for my medicine up front and ask for a refund from my insurance company myself. This is so annoying but at least I got my meds.
I just need to manage my stress better and heal for now. I have missed all my classes so far this week and we'll see about next. I think I will be well enough by then to make it to most all of them. As long as the severe pain doesn't come back, I am fine. It just is really uncomfortable to sit. (I am laying in bed right now). Hopefully I don't have to stress too much about my test next week. I just want to lay in bed until this is all better. I don't even want to eat, but I know I have to, so I do anyways.
At least I got a Priesthood blessing from my hometeachers and the Relief Society is helping me out with dinners for the rest of the week. I am so thankful for people who are able to serve me when I can't do much. It's hard right now without my mom because I know she would do everything to take care of me. I wish this happened to me when I was home in California so that I wouldn't have to worry about school and feeding myself.
Well, enough complaining. I should probably get some work done and see what homework I can do. Wish me luck with finding housing, getting my homework done, passing tests, and healing. Until next time.

P.S. I can't wait for this semester to be over so I can be lazy and spoiled at home once again. ADIOS